There is a game people play (I’m really not sure if it has a name) where one person places a blindfold over their eyes and tries to navigate a course while their partner gives them directions on where to go. The game teaches players to learn to listen and accept guidance. When a player can successfully make it through the course without running into anything, they win. The more this process is practiced, the better the players will become.
Sometimes I feel like I am navigating a course as well. I feel like I’m walking blindly, waiting for instruction, but I hear no voice. I walk alone. At times, If I spread out my arms and feel around, I begin to think I can do this, I can make it, but then I walk straight into a wall. I pick myself up and begin again, only to find myself in the same situation, hitting another wall. This game seems unwinnable. It seems unfair. Sometimes I wonder if the people who are supposed to be shouting out direction to me are instead sitting back and laughing while they watch me fail. But that can’t be true. No one is there.
I know what you might be thinking. I guess I should point out that I am not speaking of a higher being here. I am simply speaking of that group of people who are close to you. The ones who shape your life by being a part of it. This is where I lack. When I think about it, there are plenty of people who are friendly to me. There are a lot of people who could shout out my directions to me. But they are so far away. No one is close. Everyone is far. Every once in a while a voice gets close enough for me to hear. It tells me where to turn, when to stop and when to go. It tells me where to go. It guides me. Then I can’t hear it anymore, and I walk into the same wall again.
So I sit here, knelt down on the floor, my head dropped in despair. Why do I keep hitting this wall? Why can’t I find my way out of this maze? I want to remove my blindfold, but even if I do, I have already accepted the hard truth. I wasn’t meant to do this alone. There were supposed to be voices guiding me. Every wall I hit I fall down again and cry out, “Where is that voice? Where is the voice that is supposed to guide me?” This game is unwinnable when played alone. Some people can’t solve the puzzle . . . they just become a part of it. They stay in the maze. They get lost in the game.
I don’t want this to be my fate. If I have to hit this wall so many times I bust a hole through it, then so be it. I don’t want to be here. I want to get past this. I want to win. Sometimes the only voice of reason we hear is our own. I can’t see where I’m going but I can remember which way not to go. It hurts to do this alone, but I want to make it through. I will finish this game.